Reflecting on My Nanzan Study Abroad Experience

Time flies like an arrow. It’s cliché but it’s true. It feels like I just moved in yesterday, but here I am, sitting in my grandma’s apartment in Taiwan since I left Japan yesterday. A lot has happened this semester, so I thought I’d sit back and reflect on some of the goals I set for myself, both inside and outside the classroom, as well as what I ended up learning.

光陰矢の如し。本当に感じている。昨日寮に引っ越したみたいけど、実際に昨日台湾で祖母のマンションに着いた。今学期の新しい経験がいっぱいあったので、今は今学期の目標や結果を振り返したいと思っている。

This past year has been quite a journey in itself. Winter semester was the toughest of my life, and there were so many days where I just wanted to give up. But God put good people in my life, who supported me and gave me hope. Because of this, I spent this past summer seeking God and tying to open up to what He wanted to teach me. He grew me spiritually and deepened my relationships with those around me at the time. I knew I’d be leaving them once September started, so I made many goals to continue the work God started in me this summer. They were:

実は、今年は本当に大変は一年間だった。冬学期にはよく諦めたい気持ちがあったから、最悪だった。でも神様のおかげで、親切な友達をたくさん作れたり、その友達に支えられたり、希望を見つけたりした。だから、夏休みに神様との関係を深くようになるための教会のプログラムを参加した。このプログラムを通して、精神的な成長ができて、周りの友達と親友になってきた。九月に離れざるを得なかったので、色々な神様が始めた成長を続けるための目標を作った。それは：

• This blog – I felt like God wanted me to be involved in teaching somehow. Not necessarily in a formal classroom setting but in an environment where I could share my passions and experiences to help others learn new things and grow. This blog was going to be the platform for that. I planned on writing tutorials about various topics to do just that, along with tales of my travels. In addition I wanted to stay in the habit of coding, since I’d be doing none at school. I set this up beforehand to make sure everything worked and planned on tinkering with it a bit over the course of this term.

• このブログ – 神様に教えることをやろうという気持ちを気づいた。本当の教室でというわけじゃないが、私が熱心に好きなことや経験を誰かに分かち合えようと思った。他の人の成長や好奇心のためにこのブログを作った。色々なチュートリアルとか旅行の話を書きたかったから日本に行った前にブログの準備をした。それに、コーディング練習もできるからちょっといじりまわしたいと思っていた。

• Reading the Bible – God’s word works in mysterious ways, and the best way for me to see them unfold has been to read more scripture and be surprised when it relates to daily life. This happened so much this summer and I wanted more of it. I wanted to continue growing closer to God even though I’d be far away from my church family.

• 聖書を読むこと – 神様の言葉は不思議なことだ。よく読むと、自分の生活で色々な関係があることに気づける。夏休みにこの現象をよく感じたから、続けたいと思った。教会の皆さんに離れていたのに。

• Learning Japanese – Obviously this is the reason I came to Japan. I’ve studied Japanese since I was a freshman in high school, so I didn’t want all that learning to go to waste. My major doesn’t relate to Japanese at all but I wanted to come on this exchange as a break from computer science, a chance to live in Japan (which has been a dream of mine since I was younger), and just as a way to experience something different. The classes I take here have no effect on my ability to graduate, so I came in with a pretty relaxed mindset. I’d only be taking Japanese and art classes, so I’d have plenty of time to study well and really learn the language. The last time I took Japanese class was two years ago, but I didn’t study very hard then which meant I had forgotten a ton. Since I had this opportunity to learn in Japan, I wanted to make the most of it and actually learn, unlike my previous semester taking Japanese.
• 日本語の勉強 – 言うまでもなく、それは日本に行った理由だった。高校一年生の時から日本語を勉強したから、その学業を無駄にしたくなかった。専攻は日本語とあまり関係がないのに、ちょっと休憩したり、日本で生活をしてみたり、新しい経験をしたりしたいと思っていた。南山の授業の成績も卒業できるかどうかに関係がないのでとてもリラックスな感じだった。日本語と美術の授業ばかり取っているのでよく勉強できる時間があると思った。一年間に日本語を勉強しなくて、二年間前に日本語の授業をとった時はあまり勉強しなかったからたくさん忘れちゃった。せっかく日本語を勉強できる機会があったから、前と逆になるべく勉強しようと思っていた。

Unsurprisingly enough, I failed at each of these goals. This blog got updated maybe monthly, I didn’t make time to read the Bible or go to Church because I didn’t want to expend social energy, and I ended up just doing the minimum amount of homework to get by. But this didn’t upset me too much. I made these goals in America but once I got to Japan, things were very different. My surroundings, opportunities, and friends all changed, so my ability to focus on the same goals changed as well. I spent a lot of my free time exploring Nagoya, either in the shopping districts, random pockets of nature, and even Aeon malls since that was something I couldn’t do back home. I also spent my evenings sitting in the kitchen/living room of my dorm chatting or playing video games with my roommates. We all came from very different backgrounds, which made for very interesting and thought-provoking conversations. Instead of focusing on studying, I focused more on building these relationships and experiencing what was around me. After all, that satisfied my curiosity more fully.

ところが、目標を全部失敗してしまった。一ヶ月一回しかブログに書いたり、やる気がなかったからあまり聖書を読まなくて教会にも行かなかったり、勉強にもあまり頑張らなかった。でも、そんなにがっかりしなかった。この目標はアメリカで作ったから日本に来た後で現状が変わった。回りの場所や機械や友達が変わったから、目標もちょっと変わった。アメリカでできないので、暇な時、よく栄とかオスとか様々な自然的な場所とかイオンさえを探した。夜、寮でルームメートと会話とかゲームをした。色々な背景から来たから、よく面白い会話ができた。勉強じゃなくて、私はむしろこの関係や経験を中心した方が好奇心を満たした。

But this isn’t to say that I haven’t grown at all while I’ve been here. In fact, I think God has used my experiences to reveal other things about myself to me.

でも、全然成長しなかったというわけではない。この経験を通して、神様がこのことを表した：

• I cannot live without art – I drew every day while in Japan. Most of it was in the form of doodles, but that’s still drawing. In addition, all of my electives had something to do with art. I had two actual art classes (woodblock printing and Chinese ink painting) which were super relaxing because I literally got to sit there for an hour and a half and just carve wood or paint. Never have I ever found an art class to be frustrating, even when I can’t quite produce what I originally intended, and the same went for these classes. The lecture classes I picked (Japanese Art & Culture, Japanese Religions) were long (2 hours and 15 min) and usually dry (I suck at listening – I’m a visual not audial learner) but I got through them by doodling. When I did pay attention, I found the content interesting, and it brought me back to the roots of my fascination with Japanese culture. I was able to spend so much time doodling and sketching, and I didn’t feel hindered by art block. Whenever I sat down to draw, it came together fairly well, which was the complete opposite of my time at Michigan. Sure I doodled in class at Michigan, but none of it was as freeing as my stuff in Japan. I think at Michigan I’m just way too stressed to draw. Drawing takes time away from other things, and it won’t directly help me career wise, therefore it’s best to spend my time developing my coding skills. But now I know that I can’t live like that. No matter how much I try to pursue computer science, that passion will never surpass my passion for art. When I go back I’m going to make time to draw. And when looking for jobs, I’m definitely going to be looking for one that involves lots of artistic creativity. It will probably make job hunting harder, but I believe it will be more worth it in the end.

• 美術のない生活とは決して考えられない – 日本で毎日絵を描いていた。その上、日本語以外の授業は全部美術と関係があった。版画と墨絵には一時間半に自分で板を切らる、あるいは絵を描けるのはすごくリラックスした。美術の授業には思ったようより作れない時にも悔しく感じたことがないので、この授業は本当に楽しかった。他には日本の芸術や文化と日本の宗教という授業をとった。この授業は２時間１５分し、私は聴力が下手し、よく集中できなかったし、授業中絵を描いてしまった。でも、たまに集中できた時に面白い情報を聞いて、どうして日本の文化に興味があったかの元を改めて思い出した。アートブロック（絵を描きたいけど、何か堰があるので何も書けないこと）なしで自由に絵を描いたのは本当によかった。よく書けたのはミシガン大学での逆だ。ミシガンでもちょっと授業中で書いたけど、日本で書いた絵よりとてもみにくかった。たぶんミシガン大学ではストレスが高すぎて何も書けないわけだ。絵を描くのは就職に役に立たないので、コーディング練習以外の活動は時間の無駄遣い気がした。でも書かない生活は無理だ。何をしても、コーディングの熱心は美術の熱心より優れるわけがない。ミシガンに帰ると、絵を描く時間を作るつもりだ。それに、創造力が大切な仕事を探そうと思う。就職はたぶんもっと辛くなるけど、最後に割に合うに違いない。

• Everyone has different strengths and abilities – When the semester first began, I felt like my Japanese lagged behind everyone else’s because there were a few kids in class that seemed to be able to answer every question and understand everything the teacher asked. However, towards the end of the semester, we all had to give speeches reflecting on our Japanese abilities this semester and literally every student in my class said they felt that everyone was better than them. In today’s society it’s so easy to compare yourself to others and feel inferior all the time, but the truth is each person has different strengths and weaknesses. Some people are great at reading and writing, others are better at listening and speaking. Even if you feel that your friend outpaces you in one (or every) field, chances are there’s something you can do that they could only ever dream of doing. I’ve learned that yes it’s important to strive on improving my weak points, but it’s also important to not beat myself up when I don’t seem to be doing as well as I’d hoped. Growth takes time and repetition after all.

• 皆は色々な長所や特徴がある – 今学期が始まった時、同級生たちが先生が言ったことがまったくわかったそうだったから、私の日本語はすごく下手な気がした。でも、授業の最後に皆は自分の日本語成長についてスピーチをさせられた。全部のスピーチでは皆が自分の日本語はあまりよかった気がしたと言った。実は、私たちはよく自分の能力と他の人の能力を比較して、自分が何もできない気持ちを感じる。でも皆は個人的な長所と短所がある。読み書きが得意な人もいるが、聞き話しが得意な人もいる。自分より友達が何の分野でも上手な気がしても、あなたはたぶんその友達がまったくできない特徴がある。確かに自分の短所をよくなるのは大切だけど、思ったようにできない時はがっかりしない方がいい。成長には時間や繰り返しが必要だから。

• And going along with the previous point, I’ve learned I should be confident in my own abilities and in myself – Sure there’s a lot I feel like I can’t do, but there’s actually quite a lot I can do. I’m above average at all sorts of things spanning many different fields, so I’ve learned to be confident in myself in these things. In addition, I’ve learned to be confident in the way I look. That’s something I’ve always struggled with, but thanks to some of the closest friends I’ve made abroad, I’m starting to be happy with my appearance. I used to look in the mirror and see only the flaws on my face, but now I can see past those and recognize the beauty in the face that God created for me. Sure it’s not as pretty as Beyonce’s or something, but I’m not Beyonce. I am Jessica Wu and that’s perfectly fine.
• 前のことのように、自分の特徴に自信を持つべきだ – 短所が多い気がするけど、長所も結構多い。色々な分野でできることが多いので、このことに自信を持つようになってきた。その上、自分の身なりにも自信を持つようになってきた。身なりはずっと嫌いな部分だけど、最近に作った親友のおかげで、結構好きになってきた。前に顔を鏡で見るときずだけ見たけど、最近は神様が作っていただけた顔が見える。確かにビヨンセほど美しくないけど、ビヨンセじゃないわけだ。私はウー・ジェシカで、満足だ。

So yeah. This semester has been filled with a surprising amount of personal growth. The biggest was my confidence, which I’m so thankful for. I’ve never been confident in myself before despite all that I have and can do, but I can definitely say I’m confident in myself now. I hope that as I spend time here in Taiwan and return to Michigan in January to finish my studies I don’t forget the things I’ve learned in Japan. This study abroad experience has been the best I’ve ever had, and I already miss the friends I’ve made. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all. I hope we’ll meet again someday!

それはね。今学期は結構成長に満ち溢れた。最大のは自信だ。前から色々な長所があったのにずっと自信がなかったけど、今は本当に自信がある。今から台湾で時間を過ごして、ミシガンに一月に帰って、勉強を完成して、日本で学んだことを忘れないように。この留学は最高で、もう親友を会いたい。皆、本当にありがとうございました。また会えるといいね！